


Missing You

by trooper2



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, Friendship, K-Pop - Freeform, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2891873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trooper2/pseuds/trooper2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Can't reach out to touch you, or to hold you in my arms,<br/>Even if I close my eyes I can never dream of you<br/>Because you're not here with me, you're not in my story,<br/>It only hurts the more I try to get to you." Exo - Moonlight   </p><p>Luhan announces to Exo that he is planning to leave, and Sehun can't believe his ears. Following Luhan's departure, Sehun can't get him out of his mind as he remembers all the times they shared together and struggles with everday life without Luhan by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there friend!! As a hunhan shipper, I was heartbroken when I heard of Luhan leaving Exo and I still am. Sehun is my bias and I wanted to write this fic about how I believe what he must have been going through during this time. Hunhan's love story is one I will never forget <3
> 
> In this fic I will start Chapter 1 as Luhan announcing the sad news to the members. Following this chapter will be a collection of some hunhan moments that actually happened in real life, and some that came from my imagination ^_^ Also present-day occurences and feelings. The fic will vary between Sehun's point of view and Luhan's, but mostly Sehun! I will also be including some random lyrics from various songs that I feel sympathize with their feelings and the current situation.  
> Happy reading! :)
> 
> NOTICE: I do NOT know how these two felt or how these moments happened, they are simply just my interpretations and dreams :P I hope you enjoy!

 

_September 14, 2014. One week before Exo's The Lost Planet concert in Beijing._

 

Luhan has been brooding over this topic for quite a while now, thinking and thinking and thinking. He's been unable to sleep properly for a few months now. His insomnia only gets worse as he tries to hide it from the members, feeling like he'll only be adding more weight to their already heavy shoulders with all that is going on. When Kris left, Exo was completely unprepared. He made no mention of his departure, just one day they got a call from the manager explaining the situation and everyone blew up. They were sad, angry, shocked, and confused. These feelings are similar to how Luhan feels now, but with himself. He doesn't want to do what Kris did to the members. He doesn't want to leave. It's currently 4am as Luhan is crying in his dorm bedroom, face buried in the pillow.

A few days ago, he told Yixing and Xiumin of Exo-M about his decision. They were shocked and angry at first, but as Luhan started crying and explaining that his health is getting worse and he can't keep up with the company anymore, they grew more understanding and hugged him until he stopped crying. They are the ones who encouraged him to tell the members today, exactly one week before the concert.

He is scared. So, so very scared. He wanted to do so much more with Exo. He wanted to go after their dreams until the end. Exo gave him the family he never had as an only child. Exo gave him so many memories that he will never be able to forget. He is scared. No, terrified. He lays in bed trying to predict the members reactions. Who will be understanding like Yixing and Xiumin, he wonders? Who will never forgive him? As he thinks about these possibilities, a certain maknae pops into his head.

 _Sehun. Will you ever forgive me, Sehun?_ The tears stream out of Luhan's eyes as he continues to muffle his sobs in the soaking pillow. Sehun was 4 years younger than him. Why does he feel so attatched to this boy? Well, he's not a boy anymore, he's a 20-year-old man and Luhan can't accept that becuase all he can see is the shy, awkward,16-year-old boy that he met four years ago back when Luhan was the 20-year-old. Out of all the Exo members, Sehun gave Luhan the most to remember. When they first met it was awkward because of the age difference. It wasn't until Sehun asked him to get bubble tea with him one day that they truly started to bond. They got bubble tea together every morning and talked about life as each started to be more themselves around each other. Luhan found out that Sehun was neither shy nor quiet; he was actually very playful and funny and Luhan enjoyed being around him. They became inseparable.

Those were the days, Luhan thought. Everything was so happy and perfect. Sehun's smile was so happy and perfect. What will Luhan do to that smile with this news? Will he ever see it again? Luhan fumbles with the bracelet around his writst that the two had in promises of a...friendship..that will not break. What has Luhan done.

  
 _I don't deserve to be forgiven._ With this thought in mind, Luhan drifted into an unpleasant slumber, the tears still wet on his cheeks.

 

♦♦♦♦♦

 

It was evening as Sehun washed the dishes from dinner with Kai, the two maknaes being forced to do so. They didn't mind really, after all it was the hyungs who paid for dinner so this is the least they could do.

Sehun put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and stood for a second watching his hyungs. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Chen are horsing around like usual, Tao has Xiumin in a headlock, Suho and D.O. are watching a tennis anime. Everyone seems to be in bright spirits tonight. It was as if there were always 11 members. Exo had gotten used to Kris not being around, and they seem to be enjoying life anyways. That was until Sehun notices Luhan, sitting alone on the couch, looking down at his hands and seeming to be in deep thought.

 _I hope he's okay..._ Sehun thought. When he woke up this morning and made his way to the kitchen, he saw Luhan leaning against the kitchen counter, a cereal box in his hand. Sehun smirked and walked up to him, saying, "Too sleepy to even pour your own cereal?"

He circled around Luhan, arm around his shoulder until Luhan looked up. That's when Sehun saw the puffiness of his eyes. The red veins around his pupils. Luhan realized his mistake and ran out of Sehun's hold, to the other side of the kitchen where he poured his cereal rather clumsily into the bowl, creating quite a mess.

Shocked, Sehun said, "Luhan...are you alright? Did you have trouble sleeping again? I thought that went away after the Thailand concert...?" He made his way towards Luhan and put his hand on his cheek, trying to get Luhan to look him in the eyes once more.

However, Luhan only turned away, mumbling, "I'm fine" as he scurried back to the confinement of his room, leaving Sehun confused and slightly hurt.

Currently, Sehun watches Luhan on the couch feeling the same as he did this morning. _What's going on with him and why won't he talk to me._

He slowly walks over to the couch, until halted when he sees Yixing beating him to it. Putting his arm around Luhan, he whispers something, looking sympathetic and encouraging. _Damn Lay,_ Sehun thought, _Why is he the one Luhan will talk to?_

That was when Luhan nodded his head at something Lay said, to which Lay then stood up and announced, "EXO! Come here! Let's talk!"

The members sat around the room, laughing together as they approached. Sehun sat in between Suho and Chanyeol on the couch accross from Luhan and Yixing.

"What, Lay? Shall we go ride our bikes down at Han river again?" Chanyeol said, the members all smiling and nodding.

Lay replies, "Actually, Luhan here has something to say.." This grabs everyone's attention as Luhan begins to look like a deer in headlights. Not like the beautiful deer of dawn that Sehun usually sees when he looks at him, but a rather frightened, trembling deer with bloodshot eyes. Sehun didn't like it. Luhan then stood up and started to walk away at a fast pace, until Lay and Xiumin grabbed him and forced him back in his seat.

The members laughed. "Luhan! Spit it out!" "What now, hyung, are you going to participate in a soccer competition?" "Did you steal one of my mangas again?!" "Are you excited to go back to Beijing?"

Everyone was laughing and playing as Luhan mumbled something inaudible to the silly boys. "What was that, hyung?" Chanyeol asked.

**"I'm leaving Exo."**

 

♦♦♦♦♦

 

Sehun lays on his bed, thinking of what had happened only just a few hours ago. What he was hoping was just a nightmare that he'd wake up from.

He thinks of the transformation of the members cheery faces into shocked expressions of confusion. Everything was in slow motion in Sehun's eyes and mind.

The members were mad at first. Saying things like, "WHAT? WHY?" "IS THIS KRIS ALL OVER AGAIN?" "ARE WE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?" "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!" "WE NEED YOU!" "IS THIS A JOKE?" Sehun said nothing. He just stared at Luhan, watching the tears fall down his face as he stared at his hands, biting his lip.

As Xiumin and Yixing tried to calm everyone down and defend Luhan, Suho stood. "EXO!! LISTEN TO ME." Everyone stopped and looked at their small leader, breathing heavily with wild expressions on their faces. "The managers told me about this last night. Luhan talked it over with them a couple days ago. They are not happy. Why are you all being like this? Look at Luhan. Do you think he wants this? Let us be the family we've always been and hear him out."

Sehun remembers Luhan explain everything. His worsening health conditions, the insomnia, and the company's high standards. Sehun remembers how hard Luhan was sobbing as he explained these things, how he could barely breathe through the harsh sobs and hiccups. None of them had ever seen their hyung like that. Slowly, the members' expressions transformed yet again, as everyone began to cry.

They cried and cried, apologizing to Luhan for misunderstanding and going up to hug him. Sehun stayed in his seat, unable to cry and unable to move. He felt like he was about to throw up. Suho noticed Sehun was not getting up, so he pulled him into the 11 person hug. Sehun simply stood. He hugged no one and cried with no one. Luhan looked up and somehow found Sehun's dead eyes among the boys hugging him. The eye contact was what did it. It was as if it all fell into place, and Sehun tore away from the hug, screaming.

"NO!! NO!!! STOP IT!!!!" He screamed, sounding awfully similar to a little boy who didn't get his way. The members slowly turn around in shock, tears still present on their cheeks.

The tears finally came, all at once, as Sehun looked directly at Luhan, sobbing and screaming. "NO!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS ONCE!!!!! THIS IS SHIT. STOP JOKING AND TELL US YOU AREN'T LEAVING!!! TELL US!!!!" Sehun began running towards Luhan, but Chanyeol and Tao held him back as he still screamed. Luhan only stared in shock and terror. Sehun wasn't like this when Kris left. Sehun's never been this frantic. He cried and cried, continuously screaming "TELL US!!!! TELL US LUHAN!!!!"

Sehun buries his face in the pillow as he remembers his awful behavior. He even cussed. That wasn't who Sehun is. Somehow, he was able to run away from the scene into his dorm bedroom. He heard the other members try and coax Luhan, saying, "It's natural that the maknae would react this way" "You were one of the first people he met in Exo" "Don't take it personally" "He'll get over it and understand, don't worry"

After they seemed to calm Luhan, they all started talking about how much they will miss him. Sehun could hear it all. He heard them thanking him for his constant kindness and generosity to the members. They reminisced about the past and they laughed a little and cried a little. They assured Luhan that they would make Beijing count.

Everyone was in bed now, but Sehun was wide awake. He couldn't fall asleep that night. The memories were flashing in his mind and could not get out. He could not get Luhan's beautiful smiling face out of his mind and the heaviness of his heart was too much to bear.

 

♦♦♦♦♦

 

 _After TLP in Beijing (09/21/2014_ )

 

The members gave Luhan a lot of love and support at The Lost Planet in Beijing, everyone knowing it was the last concert stage he'd ever be on with Exo. It was evident he was trying to hold back tears the whole time.

Sehun, however, could barely even look at him. He knew if he looked at Luhan, the tears would come instantly. He knew if he looked at Luhan he'd only see the smiling faces and silly dances he'd give him at previous concerts. Knowing that there would be no more of that shining face in the light of the stage with the rest of them, Sehun would only break down. So he did not make eye contact. He only watched in the sidelines as the beautiful man sang and danced at his solo, already missing his voice and talents.

At the airport after the concert, Sehun was barely able to hold back his tears. He even used Chanyeol's shoulder for support. It was hard to think straight and Sehun felt dizzy. He felt like his world was crashing down.

_I miss you. Don't go._

__


	2. Eyes, Nose, Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In between each major chapter I am planning on including a song that reminds me of Hunhan :) this song is Eyes, Nose, Lips by Taeyang and you can listen to it here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWkiu9ANcEo&index=22&list=PLxWwaEVCJEBQqMvS2bOljlVa2-t2C7tsz  
> I hope everyone will be able to see the gifs and pics!! <3

_Don't be sorry, that makes me more pitiful_

_With your pretty red lips, please hurry, kill me and go_

_I'm alright_

_Look at me one last time, smile like nothing's wrong_

_So when I miss you , I can remember_

_So I can draw your face in my mind_

__

__My selfishness that couldn't let you go, turned into an obsession that imprisoned you_ _

_Were you hurt because of me? You sit silently_

_Why am I a fool, Why can't I forget you_

__

_You're already gone_

_Your eyes,_

__

_nose,_

__

_lips_

__

__Your touch that used to touch me to the ends of your fingertips_ _

_I can still feel you_

_But like a burnt out flame, burnt and destroyed, all of our love_

_It hurts so much, but now I'll call you a memory_

__

__Love you, loved you_ ,  _I must have not been enough__  

_Maybe I could see you just once by coincedence_

_Everyday I grow restless_

_Everything about you is becoming faint_

__

_You smile back in our pictures_

_Unknowing of our approaching fairwell_

_My selfishness that couldn't let you go_ ,  _t_ _urned into an obsession that imprisoned you_

__

_Were you hurt because of me? You sit silently_

_Why am I a fool, why can't I forget you_

__

_You're already gone_

_Your eyes,_

__

_nose,_

__

_lips_

__

_Your touch that used to touch me to the ends of your fingertips_

_I can still feel you_

_But like a burnt out flame, burnt and destroyed, all of our love_

_It hurts so much, but now I'll call you a memory_

__

_Your black eyes that only saw me_

__

__

__

_Your nose that held the sweetest breath_

_Your lips that whispered, "I love you, I love you"_

_Your eyes,_

__

_nose,_

__

_lips_

__

_Your touch that used to touch me to the ends of your fingertips_

_I can still feel you_

_But like a burnt out flame, burnt and destroyed, all of our love_

_It hurts so much, but now I'll call you a memory_

 


	3. Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some short (some made up, some real) memories from 2010-2012 between the two lovebirds. Simple & Sweet :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! So I'd just like to start this out by saying...HunHan is sooo hard to write haha. I just want to let you all know that this fanfic will just be a bit more about their feelings rather than actions, however I do plan on making another one with all the romantic stuffs ;) So if you do read this, whoever you are, thank you and I hope my interpretations of their feelings are similar to yours!!! <3  
> Soundtrack for this chapter:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvKkATsiq94&list=PLxWwaEVCJEBQqMvS2bOljlVa2-t2C7tsz&index=11   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KYjx6E5osA&list=PLxWwaEVCJEBQqMvS2bOljlVa2-t2C7tsz&index=8   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWkiu9ANcEo&index=22&list=PLxWwaEVCJEBQqMvS2bOljlVa2-t2C7tsz 
> 
> Be expecting "memories" for 2013-present in the next chapter!!

**_Year: 2010. Trainees at SM_ Entertainment.**

 

Sehun just got out of dance practice, sweating and aching in pain.  _16 years old and here I am for my third year, working non-stop. Should I even be here?_  He thought to himself.  _Other 16-year-olds are out having fun with friends and family..._  He was beginning to feel very doubtful about this career he was pursuing. He misses his old life. 

Sehun dreaded the walk back to his room, knowing he'd have to see that awful roomate of his. He's switched on and off with different roomates the past few years, most of them decide they can't take the pressure of being an idol so they just leave. He's never had a permanent roomate, and he can only hope his current roomate won't be. He's an absolute jerk! They haven't even exchanged names. The dude just glares at him every now and then and they do their own thing in silence. 

Sehun stood in front of the door for a moment, taking deep breaths. He reluctantly opened the door. 

However, his roomate was no where to be seen. Instead he saw one of the managers, and a small-looking boy with his head down. The manager spoke.

"Sehun, this is your new roomate. Get along well and show him around!" He opened the door after nodding goodbye and left. 

Sehun felt awkward. Another new roomate.  _Well this is going to be difficult_ , he thought. Just then, the boy looked up.

_Whoa_. That was Sehun's first thought upon seeing his new roomate's face. He doesn't think he's ever seen such beautiful features on a boy before. He must be what, 2 years younger than Sehun? He looks too young and too pretty. The boy approached Sehun with his hand out.

"Hi, I'm Lu Han. Nice to meet you!" 

 

♦♦♦♦♦

 

**Year: _2011\. After Exo debut._**

 

 

Sehun stood at the door of the Exo-K dorms, waiting until he saw Luhan's car pull up for their daily routine of getting bubble tea. 

When his car finally showed up, Sehun hurriedly ran to the passenger seat and plopped down. 

Luhan and Sehun smiled at each other. "Ready?" Luhan asked.

"CHOCOLATE BUBBLE TEA!!!" Sehun yelled enthusiastially. 

Luhan laughed and started driving. "You always get the chocolate!!" 

They spent the rest of the ride fooling around like usual, both unable to stop smiling. "I'm glad you're back in Korea. I know it's hard for you being away from your family and home for so long, but...I miss you when you're in China." Sehun confessed. Sehun had come to really like Luhan. It was awkward at first, Luhan thought Sehun was older than him when they first met and Sehun thought Luhan was younger; when they found out the reality of the situation was actually the opposite and that Luhan was 4 years older, the atmosphere changed a bit. However, despite that, they became close over their time spent together. Luhan is unlike any other person Sehun has ever met before.

Luhan turned to look at Sehun's. "You know, in photoshoots you have such a manly and powerful image, but you're actually really cute, Sehunnie." Luhan pinched his cheek, both of them laughing. "But," Luhan coughs, clearing his throat. "I missed you too." 

When they reached the bubble tea shop, Luhan got out of the car and stood next to Sehun in the line.

"Did you get taller again? I swear when we met we were the same height." Luhan frowned, looking up at the taller boy.

"Ha ha you may be 4 years older than me, hyung, but I'm still tallest! And manlier, too." Sehun elbowed Luhan, knowing just how to get on his nerves.

"HEY!" Luhan pushed Sehun, jokingly. "And didn't I tell you, you don't have to call me hyung. I'm just Luhan." 

"Ok. Luhan." Sehun smiled at his friend. His best friend. And Luhan smiled back, with shining eyes and long lashes.

_I didn't know what true friendship was until I met Luhan._

 

♦♦♦♦♦

 

**_Year: 2012._ **

 

Sehun is 18-years-old now. He's never had a girlfriend. He doesn't have much experience with girls, and he gets shy easily. Honestly, he's not very interested in having a girlfriend at this moment in time. He has his members, his family. He likes girls. He just doesn't have time.  _Yeah, I just don't have time. There's just no time._ _That's why I'm not interested right now. There's no time._  For some reason he repeated this thought in his head over and over,  _There's just no time,_ almost as though he was trying to convince himself. Almost as though there could be another reason, other than time...  _no._

However, now was not the time to think about these things. Sehun just woke up in the room he shared with Kyungsoo and Luhan, and it was no surprise to him that Kyungsoo was already up and probably off watching that tennis anime of his in the lounge area. That left Luhan and Sehun in the room together, Luhan still sleeping.

Another year has passed by with the two, and Sehun can't believe it. Not much has changed though. He grew some leg hair. He's losing the baby fat on his cheeks. Luhan still looks 10 years younger than his real age, 22. However, their relationship hasn't changed a bit. In fact, they only get closer as the days go by. It's actually embarassingly obvious to the other members too; Luhan and Sehun are inseperable when together. Even interviewers address Sehun about his relationship with Luhan.

Sehun doesn't mind it...it's just a bit uncomfortable sometimes. Suho hyung even said in an interview, "It's as if Sehun is in love with him". And, of course, Sehun loves Luhan. They say "saranghae" to each other all the time, just like the other members. But when viewed in a different type of love...Sehun just gets this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. What is that feeling? He doesn't like it. 

Sehun tried to shake the thoughts out of his head as he sat at the foot of Luhan's mattress. He looked down at his sleeping friend, wondering how exactly such a person could exist.  _Are you even a boy?_ He wondered. Ah, wait...Sehun knows he's a boy. The members have to shower together sometimes due to there being only two showers in a twelve-person dorm. Sehun blushed for some reason, remembering shy Luhan in the shower... Sehun shook his head. So, by fact, Luhan is a boy. But this beautiful face that Sehun is looking down at makes it hard to believe. Where are the manly features? 

Those long eyelashes of his make shadows on his cheek. His little button-nose crinkles a little in his sleep. Sehun wondered what he was dreaming about. What kinds of dreams does the older boy have? He looked at Luhan's defined pink lips, which were slightly parted. As if it had a mind of it's own, Sehun's hand somehow found it's way to Luhan's cheek.

_He's so beautiful...his skin is soft._  Sehun couldn't explain why he was doing this or thinking this right now. He couldn't explain why his heart began to beat irregularly. 

Sehun's hand still stroking Luhan's cheek, Luhan suddenly opened his eyes, looking right at Sehun. Shocked, Sehun jumped back, standing up and fiddling with his hands nervously. 

"Uuuuhhh-" He began to try and explain himself, until Luhan cut him off by saying, "Help me up, Sehun"

Sehun inwardly sighed of relief; Luhan must have been too sleepy to notice Sehun's strange behavior. Before reaching down to help his hyung get up, a mischevious thought came into Sehun's mind.

Sehun picked Luhan up by his waist and threw him over his shoulder, holding his legs so Luhan doesn't fall. 

"SEHUN!!!! OH SEHUN PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!" Luhan screamed, pounding on Sehun's back.

Sehun only laughed harder and began to run around the dorms, carrying the now laughing Luhan, while all the members pointed and laughed along with him. 

 

_Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?_


	4. Can't Help Falling in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This is not a real chapter, just another song chapter! The next chapter shall be coming sooooon :) this song is Can't Help Falling in Love by Ingrid Michaelson. It is by Elvis Presley first, but I just really love her cover of it. You can listen to it while reading here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhQp5wJyRUo  
> It's a short one, but I thought it was really sweet and could definitely apply to Sehun and Luhan. Each song chapter is in Sehun's point of view towards Luhan :) Please let me know in the comments if the gifs/photos aren't showing up!!!! Enjoy :)

 

 

_Wise men say only fools rush in_

_Oh, but I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, oh, if I can't help falling in love with you_

_ _

_Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_ _

_So take my hand_

_ _

_And take my whole life too_

_'Cause I can't help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows so surely to the sea, oh my darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_ _

_So won't you please just take my hand_

_ _

_And take my whole life too_

_'Cause I can't help falling in love, i _n love with you__

__'Cause I can't help falling in love_ _

__ _ _

_Falling in love_

_ _

_I keep falling in love_

_ _

_With_

_ _

_You_

_ _

 

 


End file.
